Enmeshment: Shining the Light on an Old Paradigm Relationship & Family Dynamic of Codependency

Image Credit  Ranjith Siji

Image Credit Ranjith Siji

Have you ever had a friend that when in a relationship with someone,
they disappear from your life?

Or do you have a habit of when you get into a relationship,
you leave your friends in the dust?
What if your intimate partner doesn’t like a friend you’ve had for years? What’s you’re typical habitual response to this?

These questions are being asked to trigger you to notice the false matrix you’ve placed around you as a means of creating within an old paradigm now becoming history.

The old paradigm mind-trap of unhealthy and dis-empowering Victim Consciousness-based relationship/family dynamics has sucked most of us in while in the Dark. Many have yet to awaken to the bars around them, placed there by themselves as a way to experience old paradigm relationships of en-meshing with another.

One example of an Empowering Relationship Dynamic is where two already empowered individuals who are focused on their unique life-path, their desires, goals and mission in life, come together and hold hands while continuing individually down each ones path, coming together in true partnership and complementing each other, adding flame to each fire - a rare yet exponentially growing dynamic in the Earth realm as we move through the larger transcendence process happening Now.

Empowering relationships offer freedom to be ones individual Self, encouragement to not change ones life to meet and meld to yours, but to keep being you and to encourage you/them to be the best version you/they can be in each moment.

Whereas a dis-empowering relationship dynamic is one where one or each individual looses interest in their own path, takes their light off of their own mission and turns to face the other, getting locked in a spell together called enmeshment. Eventually the individuality fades to the distance and both are lost in a soup called the couple, their unhealthy and dis-empowering relationship that keeps them both running in place never truly moving beyond the limits of the trap.

True love includes complete acceptance and doesn’t desire of or attempt to change.

When we want someone to change in order for use to be happy, what we’re ultimately saying is that I choose to not be in alignment until you do this or that. This is giving your power away to another, further perpetuating programed beliefs that we do-not create our reality which is a lie spread like a virus in the old paradigm and what we are currently transcending.

Each and every one of us came here on a mission from Soul. We came here with a certain blueprint and set of desires for this time around in body, playing human. And none of us are the exact same - we’re not supposed to be.

We’re all supposed to be individually unique - this is why we all have our own bodies.
One more time…
We’re all supposed to be individually unique - this is why we all have our own bodies… to remind us of this.

Some of us have shared missions or rather parallel and cooperative or complementary missions to others but none of us have the exact same mission, we can’t, that’s not how this reality of individuality works.

To en-mesh with another is to further distort, fog and confuse yourself as to who you came here to be. These mostly unconscious actions only postpone ones true mission of transcendence.

This habitual dynamic of en-meshing experienced by so many so often is a plague blanketed over humanity at this time that we must transcend. Yes, we are moving into Oneness however we get to Oneness through the path of mastering our own individuality and when we try to skip over this stage of development, we only create shadows within us that we must one day work through.

“I” was not made to experience “your” unique reality and you the same with mine. We can together create a third shared reality called relationship where we co-create together, however when we attempt to go beyond the boundaries of the shared reality and attempt to crawl into the others unique individual reality, we en-mesh, we distort and we confuse who we each are.

The reason and how any of these unhealthy attachment and enmeshment dynamics come about is because we’ve all been programed with lack-beliefs such as we are incomplete without another or broken and must be fixed. We are not and really, it’s all just a programed lie (think: original sin) we continue to repeat within Self. Why else would our cultures refer to partners as “the other half” if not somewhere, however deep within them, there’s this sticky programing saying that they are incomplete as an individual. This! Is the plague called codependence or attachment and what we must heal through and transmute.

A Soul does not return to Oneness until it’s mastered individuality - it’s just how the evolution of consciousness works. And remember, your Soul has many “individuals”. So don’t take this one so seriously, “you”, individual you, is not doing the entirety of the work so let yourself off the hook if that’s what’s needed.

Enmeshment comes on through the desire of avoidance of ones true Self. If you dive deep enough, you’ll notice this avoidance pattern and it is this energy we most notice, stare in the face, and consciously choose NOT to go with, to NOT entwine, to remain ourselves and stay true to who we uniquely are whatever that is.

Codependency is a generational habit of disempowering choices handed down through the epigenetic effect, down the family tree for multitudes of generations. It’s a matrix of the mind and a trap we can and must all transcend. When one faces these limiting old paradigm habits and heals, they stop this plague in it’s tracks and stop the further progression of it’s reach onto the little ones around us. And many many of us came here to do exactly this, to stop this plague in it’s tracks and by virtue aid the collective in the larger transcendence into a new paradigm happening now.

To transcend this dis-ease of the mind many must first awaken to what it is and how is works. One way to transcend these sticky patterns is to practice observing yourself. Through practice of observing one’s self, body, words, expressions, etc., we eventually get to the place of in-the-moment conscious choice. And it is this place of conscious choice where we then choose the opposite AND we Change Everything.

Of course that’s easier said than done.
Habits can be challenging to break…

That’s why I offer Transformational Coaching which includes assistance in seeing clearly the patterns and shifting habits.
All in a non-judgemental space of love..
Contact me if you’d like help.

Much Love,