>>Video at the end of this article>>
This writing is directed to my LGBTQ family and our supporters.
I am gay. Yep, I’m a big homo! I am sexually, physically and intimately attracted to the same sex that I am. I chose to be gay in this lifetime prior to coming in, and I Love who I am. I appreciate and value my sexual orientation and I’ve never had the desire to change this aspect to the make-up of who I am in this lifetime.
It hasn’t always been peaches and cream for me, living in a world with many judgments around being gay and sexuality in general, but the world is evolving and things are changing. More and more, the general population is waking up to realizing that there are just as many kinds of relationships as there are people in the world. And anyone that’s part of or friends to the LGBTQ community knows this. Being gay is becoming more accepted as part of the mix that is and always has been the diversity of life.
To me, being gay really only means that I’m interested in being in relationships with or sexually involved with guys. It doesn’t mean that I act a certain way, dress a certain way, talk a certain way, or go about my life a certain way. Being gay means nothing more about who I am than if I was straight and was only attracted to girls. We live in a melting pot of diversity on this planet and there are just as many different types of gay people as there are straight people, lesbian, bi, trans, or queer for that matter.
I’ve been asked to write about spirituality and being gay for some time now, this is me explaining my perceptions on all of this, sharing my “gayness” story, and how I went from being raised in the Mormon church, to pushing back from religions and spiritually, to swinging back around, accepting who I am, and remembering and getting in touch with again, my own spiritual connection, minus the religion and dogma.
Like many gay kid’s families, my family always knew I was not a typical boy. My sister, Jessica that I’ve always been closest to, pretty much said “duh” to me when I came out to her as a teenager, but it wasn’t that way with all of my family.
A Commonality in Our Community We Must Evolve Beyond - Fear of Rejection
A common reaction with many of my siblings went a little like this.. You know you’re going to hell for that, right? My oldest brother went so far as to leave a letter on my doorstep talking about how he knows what I am going through and that I can get back on the “straight and narrow path” and find salvation... I threw the letter in the trash once I read it.
The most hurtful response was my Mothers. I was almost eighteen and I was living with a roommate in Salt Lake. Mom came over to check on me while I was recovering from a horribly painful hernia surgery (I couldn’t stand up straight for three weeks). She asked me why I had posters of guys on my bedroom wall (I had a major crush on Justin Timberlake back then...kinda still do). My response was.. well Mom, cause I’m gay! She slapped me across the face and said no you are not! You’ve been brainwashed and you’re moving back home with me! Being on pain killers and not really thinking clearly, I caved and went along with her plan. I spent the next few weeks sleeping on the couch at Mom’s and she would come and sit with me, read the scriptures, and talk to me about what her beliefs were and how I could repent and put this all behind me.
Looking back I honor Mom for being so passionate about trying to “fix” her son. She was only doing what she believed to be “right” and she truly was doing all of this from love, at least the closest version of love she knew at that time.
After a few months I got back on my feet health wise and I got into my first relationship. By the time Mom found out about this I think she loosened up a bit and started to realize that I have my own free will.
After talking to her about the dramafest that was my first relationship and how it ending because of the guy freaking out at me for no apparent reason in the car one day, I decided to never again talk to her about my dating life...and I didn’t, kinda.
Fast forward about six months (I’m still eighteen) and I met Justin. When we met it was instant for both of us. We stuck like glue to each other and we were in a back and forth relationship for over ten years. As I said, I made it a point to never discuss my gayness with Mom ever again and so Justin was my best friend. haha I actually talked to her a great deal about him, just left the little detail that we were partners out.
My relationship with my Mother was never the same after coming out to her, and it was only until her being on her deathbed when I was twenty four that she apologized to me and told me that she was reacting based upon her religion and beliefs. She told me that she knew that I was different for a reason, and that I have always been christlike and that I came here for a reason, just the way I am. Looking back, I now interpret this as Mom recognizing my role in this lifetime by way of the vail being lifted for her while she was letting go of and exiting this physical world.
Because of the weirdness I experienced with Mom, it wasn’t until just over a year ago that I officially came out to my Dad. I waited so long to tell him for a few reasons, we were not that close anyway, mainly because we lived in different states and I didn’t want a repeat to happen with my other parent. Thankfully, Dad’s response was pretty much the opposite to Mom’s; he said he already knows and that he loves me unconditionally.
I have always had a deep spiritual connection, but I haven’t always thought about this connection the way I do now. When I was twelve years old, I decided to stop going to church and surprisingly to me, Mom was tolerant of my decision. At that point in my life, I was consciously aware of myself being gay and that was the biggest factor in deciding to quit church. I was also being teased and made fun of at church but my main reason for quitting was because I was taking a stand and deciding to not participate in an organization that basically teaches that someone like me is broken, flawed, and not to ever act on my desires.
The Mormon church has come a long was with the subject of being gay since I decided to leave back in the early 90’s. They’ve let go of a lot of the judgment and they accept that being gay is actually a thing that just is with some people but they also teach that if you’re gay, you are to basically be celibate your entire life. Their response as of late, is that we accept that you’re gay, just don’t have sex...ever! haha
This mentality that the Mormon church has, is not that far from most other religions but this mentality has more to do with the subject of sexuality in general than gay sex. Just like long long ago the concept of original sin was created by judgmental humans, sexuality in general has been programed into our subconscious as being dirty, wrong, and sinful unless being used purely for procreating. This is bull shit and we need to let these lies programed into our subconscious go.
Of course, the human species would not be in existence if it wasn’t for sex, at least heterosexual sex anyway, and so why is sex looked at as such a dirty, sinful thing?
One of the things that has always lead me to think something is screwy about most religions since I was a little kid is this.. Why would God make me gay, and then ban me to hell for acting out on the desires I naturally have, that God gave to me? The predicament here has nothing to do with God and everything to do with humans and their judgment towards them self.
I know that this is a stretch for many who are currently within the worldview of right and wrong / good and evil, but you see I just don’t believe that an all powerful being would create something, give it certain characteristics and then judge it. Period. I also don’t anthropomorphize God. In other words, I don’t see God as this human-like figure that lives in another dimension. I believe that we humans, judge ourselves and therefore come up with ideology to support the judgment of ourself and others, hence most religions and their dogma.
When I use the word “God”, I am using it as synonymous with Source Energy, The Universe, Consciousness, All That Is. Each and every one of us is God and we are all one in the same, split off into little drops of who we truly are, playing this game of humanness and being an individual. Follow the connections we all have within us, back to the source of all that we are, and you will find that it all leads to the same source and that source is where everyone of us comes from. We are the universe and quantum physics explains this through the scientific model.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not believe that religion is a “bad” thing, I just choose not to participate in it. I believe that we are all at our own personal level of evolution, that all levels are valid and serve a purpose, and the same goes for religion. While I am not religious, I am very spiritual and I am very connected to the energies of Christ Consciousness, in fact Christ Consciousness energies are the dominate energies that I channel and Christ Consciousness is separate from religion. In fact, most religions miss the whole point, the whole foundation of the message that Christ and many many others like him that have come to this planet to share. This message focuses around letting go of judgment in all aspects of life starting with yourself, realizing and accepting who you are, God, and owning that you are the creator of your reality. Does this sound like religion’s message? Not so much.
We live in a melting pot of diversity. Everyone is different and everyone resonates to different concepts, understandings, and belief systems based on their own current level of evolution. It is time that the LGBTQ community realize that they are not here to fit in, that their purpose is to go against the status quo, and that they are here to change the world simply by being themselves.
But first, we must stop judging ourselves, own who we are, and wake up to the roles that we chose for this lifetime. The only reason why anyone judges anyone, is because they judge them self. It is time that we be the leaders into the new paradigm that we came here to be. It is time to let the judgment go and Love ourselves fully and completely.
I pushed back from religion for about twenty years, and I did it for good reason but at the same time I pushed back from spirituality as well. I feel that a lot of people do this bunching of spirituality and religion into the same category and It couldn’t be farther from the truth that they are one in the same.
Spirituality is personal and it is different for everyone. Spirituality is about going within and discovering, remembering who you are and why you are here co-creating with a physical body. Whereas religion is about putting a mystical concept above you and handing your power over to it. Now I realize that this is not the case for all religions but for the most part this is true. Religion is about dogma. Religion is about following a crowd. Did you come here to follow the crowd? No. Gay people naturally don’t want to follow the crowd and the only times that they do is because they’re trying to fit in and be accepted. You are not here to fit in. It is time to accept yourself and who you are, who you came here to be. Once you do this, you will automatically attract to you those who are doing the same and they will accept you for the awesome person and leader that you are are.
What my spirituality means to me is that I know who I am, I see the oneness in everything and I know that we all come from the same Loving, non-judgmental source, the source of everything. Some people call this source the Universe, Consciousness, Source Energy, God, or one of the hundreds of other words that are out there to describe this inner knowing that we all have. Yep, we all have an inner knowing that there is more to life than meets the eye and that we come from somewhere much more expansive than this physical plane. Many people ignore it, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s there, within all of us.
The LGBTQ community is the most influencing community of people in the western world. We run many industries and influence every aspect of life in our societies, whether we’re out of the closet or not. It’s time we use our influence to create the change we wish to see in the world. But we must start with ourself. We must start by going within and allowing ourself to see who we truly are.
We’ve all been programed by society and it’s not our fault - it’s part of being human and science explains this... For the first seven to ten years of human life, our brains are in a state of consciousness where we sponge up our surroundings, the beliefs of those around us, and then after this age our subconscious takes over and repeats the habits we’ve learned. It’s not your fault that you have the baggage you have however, you’re also not a victim to the baggage either. You can in fact wipe out any limiting belief you have and this is exactly what I do with clients through energy work.
We are in a new paradigm on this planet and if you find this hard to belief, it is only because of what you yourself are focusing on and attracting to you. Shift your perspective, own your life, let go of the judgment and limiting beliefs, and by virtue, you Change The World.
I Love you. Let me know if I can Help You.
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