A Year of Breaking Habits & Stepping Into the Unknown

Oregon Coast with Kimba

It has been a long time, yes indeed. I’ve not posted anything to this blog in almost a year and during this time much has changed for me. When I look back over the past few years, I’m amazed at how much has changed in my life. I’ve changed more in the past three years than ever before in my life and this year is no exception.

If I were to sum this past year up into a few words. I would choose Compassion, Love, Understanding, and Trust.

At the end of August 2013, I gave away most all of my belongings and left town traveling with my friend, Kimba. This wasn’t planned by either of us, in fact we didn’t know we would be leaving together until a few days prior to leaving Seattle. We both individually knew something big was coming and we both thought it would be completely different.

I had known for months that something big was on it’s way, but I certainly did not know the details of what was to come. If anything I was sure that I would be moving soon and I took that as an opportunity to look forward to an even better place to live. Not once in the several months leading up to August did I think that I would give all of my stuff away, especially my prized, high-end Mac with all of my toys that went along with it, and all the digital data I had collected throughout my adult life.

Above all else, never did I think that come October, I would be experiencing the life of homelessness on the streets of Portland. It was only a few days, but it was enough to get what I needed from the experience.

Just recently I had a realization that since leaving Seattle last year, like clockwork, about every two months or so, my life has drastically changed. September and October were spent traveling the western coast and Portland with Kimba. November and December I spent in Utah helping a friend and her son to work through the sudden and graphic death of his Dad. January and February I spent in the mountains of Idaho building a relationship with my Father for the first time and reconciling childhood experiences of mine. March and April I was back in Seattle and in a relationship on steroids. May, June and July the theme was to allow others to help me and I spent that time couch surfing between friends learning the art of allowing help from others for the first time. I’ve now been at my current home in Green Lake for almost three months and after not having one of my own for over a year now, yesterday I bought myself a computer..hence the writing.

Compassion is something that I’ve become an expert on over the past year. I’ve learned what it truly means to have compassion for one’s self and for others and I’ve learned how to be compassionate yet detached at the same time. Probably the best gift you can ever give to yourself is to learn to be compassionate towards yourself and to Love who you are.

We all come into this life wanting to experience many things and it is through the experiences that we label as undesirable, that we tend to learn the most valuable lessons of true compassion. What I mean by detached compassion is that I’ve learned how to not get caught up with the creations of others, honoring their creations, and allowing them the space to grow through their creations all the while being compassionate and Loving towards what they’ve created for themselves.  

We all have a responsibility to own in this lifetime, this is the responsibility towards our self and what we’ve created. When we begin to own our life, when we begin to own that everything that we’ve experienced in our life is a creation of ours or at the very least a co-creation with others, we begin to own how powerful we truly are, how much control we really have.

I’m talking about self-empowerment, not power over others, and I’m talking about control not in the sense of how the ego wants to control everything, but control as in everything is always under control by the larger us, the us that is much bigger than the part of us in these bodies, the us that knows everything, sees everything, hears everything, and feels everything. The more we get in touch with and build a healthy relationship with our self, the more we feel powerful, the more we feel in control, the more we feel at peace in our life.

When we truly own responsibility for our life, we take the remote, the joystick, the controller back from wherever/whoever we gave it to and we never give our power away again.

Relationships in Duality are all about control or power over another. Some people tend to be more dominate, some more submissive. Think about it, if you’re working an office job for a corporation, chances are that you’ve given your power away to the job and agreed to be submissive during your time working there. Granted you’re doing this for good reasons and chances are you look at it to some degree or another, as a trade. You are trading your time, talents, and intellect, for money or tokens that you can exchange for things or experiences.  

What if you could turn life on it’s head and not be submissive, or dominate for that matter, as a means to get what you want? What if you could stay in your own place of self-empowerment and create what you desire? What if we could all stand in our power of knowing how powerful of creators we are, and co-create together?  This is where we’re going. This is what leaving victim consciousness in the dust looks like.

Most of us are stuck in these multi-life karmic patterns of repeating the same experiences over and over again. The surface may look slightly different but the underlying pattern is the same. Until we expand to a new level of conscious evolution as an individual, we will never change anything fundamental about our self. This is exactly what Einstein was referring to when he said that you cannot solve a problem with the same level of consciousness that created it.

Perpetrator, Victim, Rescuer. These are the three points to the triangle that make up victim consciousness. Victim consciousness is the foundation of the societies that we all live in currently. Think outside this triangle. Burst through the glass ceiling and take a look around. What does it look like to not be a victim, a perpetrator, or a rescuer? What does it look like to not be submissive to life? What would happen if we stopped trying to dominate and control everything through our ego?

How would life be if you learned that you are so much more than you have ever thought? What would it be like to consciously create your life?

If you’re anything like the me from a few years ago, chances are you have some feelings that are going in the right direction, but it’s not what you’re thinking with your brain.

For those of you that resonate with being stuck in multi-life-long karmic patterns, this lifetime is about breaking these patterns, completing the contracts, ending the agreements. Don’t think of karma as something that is above you or controls you. Let that go. Instead realize that karma is simply a habit. It’s a habit that you yourself created and as soon as you’re ready, you can break the karma, complete the cycle, and move on. And this is exactly what I myself have been up to while I’ve been away.

Trust has been a huge lesson for me since I took off on my travels last year. I had no clue really how I would support myself, how I would pay for my travels, but I did have this sense of trust that at the time, was new to me in my life. I trusted that everything would be okay and that I would find ways to take care of myself and obtain what I needed.

When I left Portland for Utah, I had less than $500 to my name. I knew that I was done in Portland. I knew that I was being called to help my friend in Utah but I had no idea how I would get beyond Utah once I was done there. I saw it in my mind while laying on my bed in my hotel room. I saw that I would travel to Utah, help my friend, and then move on to Idaho to visit my Dad. My biggest fear at that time was getting stuck in Utah with no means to leave. You see, I grew up in Utah and I left for many reasons. Returning and not being able to leave was a huge fear of mine and I saw it as failure should I get stuck there.

However, it all worked out in divine order. While in Utah my friend took care of me while I was taking care of her and her Son. We all helped each other through what we were going through and when it was time, it all played out perfectly. A few months after arriving in Utah, I got on a bus and I landed in Idaho with about $100 left to my name.

While in Idaho and for the first time in my life, I was no longer afraid of my father and what he thought of me. For the first time ever, we discussed me being gay and my psychic abilities I’ve always had. I spoke to him about my role in this lifetime and how I am here to wake people up to who they are and why they are here. I explained concepts and ideas to him that I had never thought that I would be discussing with my Mormon father that I’d been estranged to my entire life. He took it all in. He understood what I was conveying to him and he accepted me for who I am. This was the biggest shift of my life as it relates to my family. For the first time in my life I was being open and honest as to who I am to the person that helped create my body in this lifetime. This was all new to me and I was learning what truly being in my power feels like.

After a few months in Idaho I knew that I was done there but I had no idea how I was going to get to my next step. I knew I needed help and I knew that I needed to ask for it. I asked and it came. Help came in the form of many different people giving what they could which allowed me to get back to Seattle. I was never one to ask for help in my life until this point. I learned to let go of the ego part of me that says that I have to do everything on my own and I allowed my family and my friends to help me, truly for the first time in my life.

My time away from writing, my time traveling, has been huge for me and I would never take it back. Part of me is still processing everything that has happened since the fall of 2013 but a larger part of me is present and understands how it was all necessary to get me to the point at which I am now and for that, I am forever grateful to myself for allowing myself to let go and to live and experience outside of the norm that I had created in my life.

More to come I’m sure but for now, you’re kinda caught up to speed with me and my adventurous life.  (-;